Life is pretty wild - I'm sure you've noticed.
We're all, as always, in this together. And in our togetherness, we find ourselves - even when - and especially now - that we're apart. Separateness, as I think we may all come to understand, is an important component of how we find unity.
I've been reflecting in a very deep unavoidable way. I believe we get to a point when the pain of avoidance runs so deeply that we are faced with a few key decisions.
1. to stay the same and suffer,
2. to change and choose suffering because we feel resentful and uncomfortable,
3. or to accept change as inevitable and an opportunity for growth, renewal, challenge and expansion. To notice the discomfort but to see it as part of the process and then to breathe into it, allow the change to blanket a new horizon and then take the next best step forward.
Do we need understanding and to be understood or do we need to feel what we've lost//not chosen and instead selected - for better or worse?
Do we need defenses or do we need a dropping of our armor?
Do we need to explain ourselves or do we need to put our walking shoes on and step into action?
Who are we really trying to affect - and do they need to hear us or see us?
I keep wanting to explain myself, defend my decisions, reap understanding from others and be showered in validation.
Then I come - to.
In the least I acknowledge that the effort-ing involved in getting others' approval is not truly what I want. Just like I step toward the fridge or cabinets for something nourishing I want to choose what it is that settles my souls' asking - not my wired desires which can often be skewed by preprogramming. Those - mind you - are shifting with every actionable step I take to change. Yes the discomfort of doing so, the fear of scarcity, the fear of lack, the fear of not being enough for someone else or that my cravings won't get assuaged all creep in but when we know those thoughts are uninvited guests we are better able to show them the door - which is the basis of mindfulness practices and my work with Therapeutic Eating. Notice. Don't judge. Like clouds passing in the sky, allow what doesn't serve our highest to drift on by.
Meditation has helped.
Not to sound cliche. But -
Since embarking on a brand new world as of becoming a single parent, fully self reliant and leaning on my own sufficiency I've had to get real. Like massively real. The only regret I've had thus far is why it took me so long to crack the can of my own vessel when I figured tapping was enough. Sometimes we can't simply knock and expect the door to open, we have to break the damn thing down. For some of us we don't know until we burst forth how locked up we once were. Every misstep was a step into who we are today. Regret for choices we made before means that our now doesn't get to be - which for me includes my two wildly witty and silly kids, my appreciation for what I've learned, this time I've been granted to reflect and the chance to know better and make wiser decisions going forward. What's your list?
Again, it's cliche, but everything happens for a ______.
This is the basis of congruence//incongruence. The mind & body are born into one until pulled in different directions usually as a result of growing up in a household with others who were also incongruent (bless their efforts and sincerity, most knew no better) or in a society and within a culture that values things that we don't. There's nothing wrong with you - or them - just a simple misalignment. It's our responsibility as adults to re-align and depending on the trauma of our earliest experiences, we will fight until we lay down our shields. Consider listening to Fiona Apples song, Pale September - as a young teen I used to listen to this song on repeat while going to sleep.
I love you by the way...just felt like inserting that there....
So what now?
I suppose all I can say this this. There is life after divorce. Not just the separation of one person from another - but the life we attempted to live and didn't. Open your hands and peer beyond the surface of your skin. There is so much there. The roots of the seed you hold run deeply. There is wholeness amidst the decisions we thought were right in the moment because we can't get it wrong - because we're never done.
You're wonderful. Can you breathe that in for a moment? If not for you, then for me? Or for someone else who needs you to shine. Remember, do you need to be heard - or do you need to be seen?
Peek a boo,